Soul Companion

Need a better relationship with God? Mary Pat Barth can help.

By Rich Reece/Pictures by EW Photography

“I’m inspired,” Mary Pat Barth says, “by people who want to deepen their relationship with God. In this crazy world, I think that’s just about the most challenging task a person can face.” And for more than 20 years, Barth, a spiritual director, has been helping them to face it.

Barth, originally from Buffalo, NY, came to spiritual direction and eventually to North Carolina along a twisting path: two Masters Degrees, studies at Loyola University in Chicago, campus ministry at Holy Cross College in Worcester, Mass. and Georgetown were followed by campus ministry assignments at Duke and UNCW. Today, in addition to her freelance work as a spiritual director, she is Director of Youth Ministry at St. Mark Church in Wilmington.

At Holy Cross and Georgetown, both Jesuit campuses, Barth was part of a team that offered 5-day silent Ignatian retreats to students, faculty, staff and alumni. Many of the participants would seek spiritual direction as a follow-up to the retreats. “I directed some physicians from Georgetown’s medical center, some CEOs, as well as students discerning their futures,” she recalls. “We would have people stand up and say, ‘I’m 50 years old and I’ve made all this money, but I don’t have an intact relationship with God. I think it was good for students to hear this, to learn early what was important.”

Among Barth’s current clients are men and women of different faiths. “I have some Baptist and Presbyterian pastors who are themselves learning to be spiritual directors. I have some Episcopal directees, a few women Religious from the Raleigh area. Some I have seen for the last six years, some come for a short time to discern a decision. I’ve had some people come during the “off season” for a tailor made retreat, then stay at the beach and meet with me once a day, just for some prayer and reflection.

“I feel like I’m on holy ground when I’m with someone in spiritual direction. People’s stories are incredible, and they’re all just trying to connect the dots in their lives to God.”

When people first come to Barth, she says, many confess they don’t know what spiritual direction involves. “But they’ll say, ‘I need to get my life together with God. I need to pray more and I don’t know how. Something is missing in my life.’”

Barth will set up an appointment with a potential client “to see if we’re a good fit.” After that, sessions are tailor made. “I always have a candle lit between us,” Barth says, “because I know clearly that God is with us and I always pray for that person beforehand.

“At the end of every session, I always ask, ‘What do you need most from the Lord this next month?’ I’m looking for a grace or a blessing and it always flows from the session and helps the person pull things together. Then I turn the question around and ask, ‘What do you think the Lord needs from you?’ That sometimes takes people by surprise, but our relationship with the Lord is mutual, after all.”

Barth is careful not to use her Youth Ministry time at St. Mark for spiritual direction: “Sometimes I will see a person at St. Mark on my lunch hour. But often, I’ll see someone after work at their space or mine, where it’s comfortable and there are no interruptions.”

She’s also careful to make a distinction between spiritual direction and therapy. “What I do is absolutely not therapy,” she says. If it becomes clear that a client has concerns which are better dealt with by a mental health professional, she will advise him or her to consult one.

“A spiritual director is just a companion on life’s journey,” she says, “listening, asking reflective questions and sometimes challenging based on what’s been said. We assist with resistance and roadblocks in order to help people to breakthroughs in their relationship with God, and to help them live that better relationship. God communicates through ordinary human experience, and a spiritual director can help someone see God’s invitations and urgings in that experience. If we miss those things, we’re missing God. We’re missing the boat!”

What does Lent mean to a spiritual director? “I think it’s a golden opportunity to grow closer to God,” Barth says. “And it’s a chance to improve on the previous Lent.” She has prepared a list of suggestions for doing just that. (See box.) “When you’ve thought about your spiritual goals for Lent, share them with a friend. Accountability is the best way to maintain your goals. That’s what spiritual direction is all about. It’s sharing your progress with someone and once a month being accountable to that person. ‘How are you doing since we last met? Where is God in your life? What is God saying to you?’

“The bottom line is that if you are intentional in your spiritual life, it’s difficult to go it alone.”

Mary Pat Barth’s Suggestions for the Best Lent Ever

  1. Participate in your parish’s Lenten activities. They are there for us.
  2. Create a weekly Mantra that fits your prayer and pray it often during the day. It could be a line from Scripture that you love or that you need.
  3. Create a prayer corner in your home that draws you into the Lord and set a practical time to pray more during Lent. Make a realistic goal – start small and be faithful, and then you may want to increase out of desire! Place your sacred symbols there. Your prayer corner could be in your garden or on your porch / deck / office.
  4. It you commute a lot, why not use spiritual music, or try some silence and pray your mantra, or listen to a spiritual book.
  5. Choose a Gospel and pray it very slowly. It may take you all of Lent to get through. The purpose is NOT to read it but to PRAY it in order to get to know Jesus more deeply. Put yourself into each scene as if you were right there with Jesus. Then turn yourself around and become Jesus in each scene and get to know how Jesus felt. You will get to know Him more and be able to enter into Holy Week much more deeply.
  6. Get to the Eucharist more during Lent.
  7. Pray a different Way of the Cross this Lent, for example,. Mary’s Way of the Cross, and attend your parish’s Friday Lenten Stations. Google different “Ways of the Cross” on your computer.
  8. Experience Adoration during Lent and LISTEN to the Lord instead of talking to Him so much. You may really hear something from Him!
  9. Pray over the daily readings during Lent. If you don’t have access to them, you can find them online at: www.usccb.org.
  10. These web sites are my favorites and you can find many spiritual resources; one is the Spiritual Exercises online: www.creighton.edu/CollaborativeMinistry. The other is Sacred Space, from the Jesuits in Ireland: www.sacredspace.ie/. You can use these sites all the time, but begin to familiarize yourself with them spiritually during Lent.
  11. Lent is also about reaching out to others. Contact your local Catholic Charities and ask what they need. Get your family involved with contributing something there. Help out at a soup kitchen / Catholic Worker House / service project in your parish or community.
  12. Lent is the time for reconciliation. Every Parish has a Lenten Reconciliation Service – participate and bring your family. Or invite a friend. Invite a person back to the Church who has been away.
  13. Check out the retreat offerings at Avila [in Durham], and treat yourself to something! Walk the Labyrinth at Avilla as a Lenten Prayer experience.
  14. Check out the spiritual offerings at “A Place For Women To Gather ” in Raleigh or the Christian Family Retreat Center at Topsail.
  15. Start a book club with friends and read something spiritual during Lent.
  16. Make this Lent more meaningful and spiritual than the last one. Only you know how to do that each day. Share your spiritual goals with a friend in a mutual way so you can be accountable to one another.
  17. Lent is the most sacred Liturgical time of our year, a time when each of us is invited to draw near to the Son of God who loved us so much He gave His very life for us. He yearns to have a relationship with each and every one of us. Lent is the most precious time to rekindle that love relationship with Christ. The Lord is waiting for you and me to respond. How will you draw closer to Him this Lent?